


Tomorrow is Another Day

by creativityatbest



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Anal Sex, Animal Shelter, Barebacking, Forbidden Love, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Party
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-05-11 21:23:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5642479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creativityatbest/pseuds/creativityatbest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil is the leader of the Howell’s rival gang and Dan just wants to leave it all behind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The Lester family was known for their short tempers, happy trigger fingers, and their tag. A serpent coiled tight around a scythe, fangs bared and the venom dripping from it’s lips. They were batshit crazy and their destruction plans neared on suicidal but they were a family. They stuck together through thick and thin. Protecting each other to the last breath.

So when they heard Phil’s second cousin, Artie, had been gunned down in a parking lot. They knew they had to act.

Two days later the Howell family (known as the Crows), the Lester’s biggest enemy, found their fifth son, Garret, under the bridge that leads to the highway. The infamous snake symbol burned into the ground beneath his body.

And thus this war began, buildings mysteriously exploded, the high school in town was full of kids forced to join in on the fights.

Most people skipped town but the poor ones were forced to watch as their children were whisked off to one side, Howell’s or Lester’s, crows or snakes, friend or foe.

Phil Lester was 20 years old when everything first started up and now, only 2 years later. He basically ran the operation alongside his grandfather, Phineas.

He hated the Crows with every fiber of his being. They had taken away his most beloved friend, why wouldn’t he be?

Phineas organized the drive by’s, the best places to fight, and spent most of his days trying to track down the Crow’s new base. When that was said and done Phil arranged the team, got the weapons and vehicle, then followed his orders.

None of that made Phil a lackey though, he was perfectly able to make his own decisions and think for himself. He just never felt the need to.

That is until the day he meets Dan and his world is turned on its head.

* * *

Dan knew he shouldn’t have gone to this party. His friends Ferris and Jake dragged him here over half an hour ago and disappeared.

He was seriously starting to freak out. He knew he shouldn’t have to the Lester side of town. What if somebody recognized his face? Or what if they asked for his name?

Dan had never been in any of the violence, being his mother’s last baby she coddled and kept him from any danger. Something he was grateful of.

He never saw a point to all the fights, he never understood why nobody seemed to realize it wouldn’t end. One person gets killed, they take one, and it keeps going on in an endless cycle. There is no point to the madness.

When Dan turned 18 in a month he was fucking out of here. He’d run as fast as he possibly could.

Dan scans the living room, trying to see his friend’s head of dyed black hair.

He knew he shouldn’t have come here yet he’d let his two friends drag him along. They didn’t know his last name. Nobody did, he and his mother asked to keep it anonymous for safety reasons and the school quickly agreed. There had been enough stabbing on the grounds.

Dan sighed, and slumps against the bare wall. He finishes off his first drink and sets the cup on a side table.

Damn his brothers for making him play drinking games. He’ll be a heavy weight before 21 guaranteed.

A flash of shiny black suddenly passes Dan and he snaps into action.

Ferris walks with a much wider step than he used to. Dan thinks to himself while he follows him. And did he change clothes?

Dan’s hand grabs the Ferris’s shoulder and whispers into his ear. “Why did you ditch me here you absolute ass?”

Ferris spins and Dan gasps in surprise when the face he’s greeted with is definitely not his best friend’s.

In fact, Dan thinks he’s the hottest person he has ever seen.

His skin was pale, to the point Dan could see the veins dancing along his skin. His eyes were a deep blue mixed with greens splashes, his black hair swept to the side to create a poorly placed fringe. His bangs dyed a god awfully bright blue. He seemed tired, deep bags under his eyes and a sorrowful smile. As if he’d seen to much even though he looks around Dan’s age. 

He smirked and Dan smiled back, flustered.

“Phil.” The man prompted.

“Dan.”

“Now. I don’t know who Ferris is. But he seems pretty fucking stupid to leave such a pretty face all alone.”

Dan blushes and mutters a quiet. “Thanks.”

“Seriously you are stunning. Do you need help finding him?” Phil asks and Dan looks around the full room, the sheer amount of people making him anxious.

“Yeah. That would be nice. I’ve never been to a party before.”

“Oh. Well let me follow you around. Don’t want anything bad to happen to such a pretty face.”

“You can stop with the compliments you know.” Dan blushes and follows Phil towards what he hopes is an emptier room.

“I really can’t. Not until I’ve said it enough times.”

Phil opens a door and leads them into an empty hallway.

“So. Do you live in this house?” Talking to anyone on the Lester side of town was a toss up, people who lived on the left side of the town either were with the Lester’s or forced to follow thanks to there housing situation.

“Oh no. I live on the river. This is just a good way to unwind.” Phil leans against the wall and turns his phone on.

“How could you unwind at a place like this?” Dan brings himself to ask, wondering what exactly they were doing here. Did Phil recognize him? Was he calling the Lester’s right now? Oh god was Dan going to die?

Phil pockets his phone. “Your friend is upstairs with my sister. They are you know. And your other friend is throwing up in the bushes outside.”

“Damnit Keenan.” Dan mutters to himself and Phil giggles. “And you never told me how you unwind.”

“It’s not really something you explain. It’s more of something you do.” Phil explains carefully, he walks towards Dan and readjust his collar.

Dan can feel the blood rush to his face and he backs up until he hits the opposing wall. “Are you going to kill me?” Dan whispers, his hands flying up to grip Phil’s wrist.

Phil giggles, his face inches from Dan’s. “What? And let such a pretty face go to waste?”

* * *

Three hours later Dan’s eyes pop open to a monotone ring filling the air. He sits up quickly and winces as a sharp pain runs through his lower body. What th- oh, oh. Dan’s eyes flutter over to where Phil asleep on his back, arms spread above his head and one hand resting on Dan’s thigh.

Dan rubs his eyes and looks over to where his phone is ringing again. He reaches to the floor and roots around on the floor for his pants. His fingers close around the rectangle and he pushes the on button.

Ten text messages, fifteen missed calls and ten voice mails. Oh god what’s happened.

Dan clicks the newest voicemail from his mum, another popping in while it loads.

“Dan you know I respect your privacy and all that but fucking answer me. It’s 1am, your friend just got here, he couldn’t find you and came to us. Oh god something’s happened hasn’t it? I always feared it would be you. I should have raised you better, taught you how to use a gun. Dan I’m so selfish, I’m so fucking sorry.’ Then she proceeds to break into prayer, her voice full of fear and pain.

“Jesus.” Dan mutters and quickly text her. _‘I’m okay! I’m sorry I fell asleep!’_

The reply comes instantaneously.

_‘Doing what! You were in Lester territory Dan! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!’_

Dan groans and falls on his back next to Phil. _‘I hooked up with someone. I’m heading home now.’_

_‘You used a condom right?’_

_‘Mom. Not the time.’_ Dan gets up as quietly as possible to not wake up Phil and started collecting his clothes.

_‘Just stay safe. Have your friend walk you home.’_

Dan pulls on his underwear and his eyes trail over to where Phil is turning on his back. He’s actually quite adorable, his chest rising and falling with his eyes peacefully shut. Dan pulls his shirt over his head and works fast.

Phil can walk him home, he’s strong, probably could keep those damn Lester’s off of Dan.

“Phil. Hey Phil.” Dan walks over to nudge his shoulder and stop dead in his tracks when the man’s back is exposed.

Scars criss-cross over the skin and two circles melded over with flesh look conspicuously like gunshot wounds. Lines of black stick out from the blanket covering his left shoulder and Dan’s afraid to look.

Curiosity soon takes over and Dan finds himself gingerly pushing the blanket to the side.

FUCK

SHIT

NO

The mark was simple, elegant almost, curved lines mixed with the rough, straight lines of a sketch clearly underneath. Each line making the symbol clearer and clearer, a black serpent with venom dripping from his lips.

Lester, Lester, he is a fucking Lester.

Dan jumped back, gasping in surprise.

That’s when Phil’s eyes shot open and he jerked to a sitting position. “What! What is it!”

Dan collapsed onto the floor in horror, his hands were shaking, his mouth was wide open and he could feel his heartbeat through his entire body.

Fuck fuck fuck. He has to get out of here. Fast.

He jumps to his feet and sprints towards the door. Phil left to stare at him as he struggles to fling the door open.

In the process Dan’s phone flies from his hand. Landing on the carpet a few meters away, he glances back at it but Phil is already moving.

Dan squeals to himself and rips the door open, with one final glance to his phone he’s slipped out the door.

The party has died down to nothing by the time Dan rushes down the stairs. A girl is sitting at the table playing cards as he skirts by and she gives him a small wave. The movement shows a snake on her back shoulder as well.

Dan can feel the miniature crow tattoo on his side start to burn.

“Dan!”

God, Phil knew his fucking name. A Lester knew his name. Fuck.

The sound of Dan’s ringer goes off and he freezes. His mother, they would know her voice, if she texted him, Phil would kill him.

What have I done? He thought to himself. He ran towards the front door and swung it open just as Phil’s hand touched his shoulder.

Just the small touch made Dan flinch and his breath catch. He let a Lester have sex with him. Oh god. Oh no.

With that the cool night air washed over Dan’s skin and he ran down the street. He was all the way across town with no way to get back and no protection in case someone happened to see him.

The unmistakable sound of footsteps grew nearer to Dan and suddenly he was on the ground. Wrist pinned to the ground in an all too familiar position with Phil above him.

Funny this pose made him excited minutes ago and now he’s wriggling, terrified.

“Dan! What’s wrong? Did I do something?”

Dan froze. Phil was scared? What was going on?

“Please… stop.” Dan whispers, his shifts his hips to try and escape but Phil’s hand grab his sides, keeping him grounded.

“Dan? Please tell me what I did wrong.”

“Phil you did nothing wrong! You were kind and sweet I have to go home. Please.”

Finally Phil’s face melted from it’s fear with a twinge of anger to pure horror. “Oh Dan. I’m so sorry. Are you hurt?”

Now that he mentioned it Dan could feel a small spike of pain from his back. Dan must’ve hit a rock on the fall. But like hell was he going to tell Phil that.

“I’m fine. Let me go home. Please.” Finally Phil’s fingers dissapeared and he pushed his body heat off of Dan’s.

“Are you sure? Because I can take you to my house it’s only a street down.”

God, he’s so sweet and he fucks so well but alas, Dan can do nothing but escape. He feels a pull in his chest, to be honest he’d really liked Phil.

“I have to leave. Please.” Dan scrambles to his feet, his heart beating in his ears and his hands shaking.

Phil nods. All his emotions seem to melt away, leaving Phil blank faced, he turns on his heels and heads down the street.

The moment Dan watches him enter a large apartment complex he starts to run. Taking alleys, sharp corners, everything to throw Phil off his trail if the man choose to follow.

Eventually Dan ran across the road that served as the gang’s borders. In quite a gross way honestly. Their grandparents had fought on this ground and where the first two drops of blood landed the border was placed.

Dan hurried home and flinched when he saw his mother’s face through the living room window. Set like steel and tears reddend eyes. She was going to fucking kill him.

With as much courage as he could Dan pulled open the door, immediately a hand grabbed his collar and pulled him in.

Fuck, he was in for it now


	2. Chapter 2

It’s 7 in the morning. No college kid in their right mind should be awake at 7 in the fucking morning.

That is unless you’re like Dan and got morning classes thinking they would easier.

Spoiler: they are not

Now Dan was struggling to open his eyes to the sunlight. After a stressful weekend of his mother not letting him set foot outside the house and attempted to figure out who the hell Dan was with the night of the party he was more than ready to sleep forever.

But apparently life won’t let him do that.

So now he was jotting upwards in bed, his eyes trained on his alarm clock. 8:00. Shit.

Dan skipped getting dressed altogether and ran down the stairs, grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl on his way out the door. He would be fine turning up in his sonic pj’s and curly hair, hell, he’d probably still be one of the best dressed kids there.

“Leaving already?” His oldest brother, a large man with a blonde goatee and scarily bulging muscles, asks.

“I’ve got school.”

“Ah. I don’t get you Danny, going to school, not doing any of this shit, it’s like you’re a bounce or something.”

Dan laughs. “I’m just trying to learn about plants. Why the hell would I be a bounce?”

Bounce had become the slang term for people who ran out on their gang and tried to leave. Bouncers’ were bad. Bouncers’ always ended up dead.

His brother humphed and continued to smack the coffee machine, probably trying to work it.

Dan rushed out the door, forgetting all of his supplies and biting into the apple. Normally he was starving in the mornings but today he could barely stomach the fruit.

He hurried towards the large old building. The college was the only thing that the two sides shared. Mostly because none of the Howell’s or Lester’s actually went to college. They graduated and that was that. Except you were Dan, who, again, couldn’t just be like everyone else.

The building was large and had six different classes at a time, the one’s Dan himself had signed up for are creative writing, photography, plant study, and graphic design. Admittedly they weren’t that good of choices to get him out but he took what he knew he could ace.

Despite being so large the vine of ivy creeping along the left wall and graffiti on the other side gave it a borderline sinister look.

A few kids sat in the bright green grass, books splayed out and faces towards the sky, as if yearning to be away from this place. Dan couldn’t blame them, ever since he was a child he dreamed of escaping, finding a warm apartment that overlooked the sea and being able to walk anywhere his feet pleased.

But that was just a dream and Dan knew better than to be frivolous and turn his head to the clouds when the ground held his feet.

Dan scurried into the building, sighing at the rush of cool air on his heated skin. He waved to the sweet receptionist with full cheeks and deep dimples, she grins and waves back. Dan knew her from his school days, she moved as a docile, hanging out with some kids on Howell side and on Lester side. She kept out of trouble and was the kindest person Dan had ever met. This gave her a free pass among the gangs.

“You better hurry Dan. They’ve already begun and you know how Professor Dippins is about late kids.”

Dan groaned as the memory came rushing back to him. He was just on his first year and running late thanks to a shooting that occupied the family all night. He got to school and just before he could walk in Professor Dippins (dipshit as his students say) locked the door right in his face.

Seething at the memory Dan hurried forward, he could hear a few of the louder kids in his class begin to quiet down and jogging turned to running turned to sprinting.

Just before Dan could reach the classroom a door swung open and he crashed into the person exited. 

“Ouch!” Dan yelped as the hard body bounced him off easily and sent him tumbling to the floor.

“Oh no! I’m so sorry are y- wait.”

Dan opened his eyes, the light behind the person turn their body into a silhouette, he can’t make out the figure until it begins to laugh, the sound hearty and somewhat arrogant.

“Must have been good. Got you literally running back into my arms.”

Dan cocks his head to the side before the voice clicks. He groans and collapses back on the floor.

“Hi Phil.”

“Hey darling. What’s such a beautiful body like yours doing on the floor?” Phil jokes smugly and Dan gives him his worst glare.

“Taking a nap.”

“Of course.”

Dan rolls his eyes. “Just help me up you oof.”

“I find that offensive.”

“That’s the point.”

Phil reaches out his hand and Dan takes it, allowing Phil to lift him to his feet. 

“I didn’t know you went here.”

“There’s a lot about me you don’t know.”

Dan now notices how Phil’s fingers were still laced with his. The kindling in his stomach is set aflame and he pulls his hand back, blushing.

“Not true. I know that when you’re really in pleasure you don’t say a lot and when you’re going to cum you make these cute little mews that slowly get louder.”

“Shut up.” Dan punches Phil in the arm and Phil laughs, his tongue trapped between his teeth.

“What can I say? I am completely infatuated with you my darling.”

Dan groans. “That was so cheesy.”

“It’s supposed to be cheesy.”

“Nerd.”

“Doll.”

“This isn’t the 1950’s,” Dan complains, leaned against the wall with Phil next to him. His gaze floats down to Phil’s lips and he stares, mesmerized for a few seconds before they begin to move.

“You love it.”

Dan blushed and turned his gaze to the floor because yeah, yeah he really did.

“I thought I spurned you already.”

“Oh. Is Danny using his big boy words today?”

“I’m just articulate you ass.” Dan hisses and pushes himself off the wall. “Now I really need to get to cl-”

Before he can finish speaking the sound of a lock clicking into place fills his ears. His stomach plummets and he moans in anguish. “Shit.”

“What’s wrong?” Phil asks, his voice full of concern and his hand settling on Dan’s shoulder comfortingly.

“He’s locked me out. Fuck he locked me out. I don’t want to fail Phil I can’t.” Dan’s words are stopped by his throat swelling up and tears building in his eyes. His stomach twisted sickeningly and he scurried towards the door.

“Hey hey princess. Don’t worry your pretty little head about a thing. I’ve got this.”

Phil takes a key ring from his blue jump suit and flicks through the key ring.

“Why are you here anyway?”

“I need the money. I want a dog.”

Dan nods and leans against the doorway, looking in the little window. The class is sitting in an arch of chairs and Professor is in the the middle, eyes bright as he talked joyfully about plants. He could be an ass but he was a damn good teacher.

“Thanks.” Dan said as the door opened, the class looked over and Phil stuck a big shit eating smile on his face.

“Sorry sir. I ran into this kid and had to ask him where building #3 was. Just getting him to class.” Then Phil pushed Dan in and Dan grinned at him, the kindling in his chest rising.

“Oh. Thank you.” Was all his professor said and Dan hurried to sit down.

Phil nodded and shut the door, locking it being him.

Dan sat motionless the rest of class. He zoned out a few times thinking about Phil. The thought made his cheeks heat up.

No, he shouldn’t be thinking like that, especially not about a Lester. He needed to get out of here, not fall in love with a fucking snake. They were unscrupulous, evil, and fucking insane. He didn’t give a shit about Phil.

Than why the hell did Phil make Dan’s chest ache so?


	3. Chapter 3

‘I hate myself for being late this morning,’ Dan thinks to himself as he heads to work from school. An essay weighing on his mind and his planner in hand.

Phil’s explanation made no difference to the Professor and they had made eye contact as he explained the class’s 15 page essay due next week.

The essay on a one type of flower and what it means to the class.

Dan means he’s all for plants. Plants are great but the symbolization of a flower and its insertion into life seems entirely useless in every way.

Maybe Dan should do the black rose or some form of flower that dies quickly. It would make sense if he’s being honest. Something died and dying to explain whatever the fuck was inside of his head.

But in no way was Dan depressed. He was just tired and the yearn to escape this hellhole was gnawing a hole into his skull. As if his brain has had enough and was getting itself out well it could.

He didn’t blame it. He thought as a crash came from the distance, he flinches but continues, his mind floating back to that of a child, bright eyed and red cheeked, the first time he ever wanted to leave so bad.

He was seven. Sitting up on the window sill and watching the stars shine down. He grinned as they twinkled, as if they had done it just for him.

A book was clutched between chubby hands, short fingers stroking the old, torn binding.

'Peter Pan: Adventures in Neverland’

It had been a gift from an old friend, his mother’s friend from the outside. His name was Remy and he worked in the library, he was studying to be a historian and had oval wire glasses that were taped at the side. To Dan he was a hero. Somebody to look up. Not a fighter, not a savage. Just Remy who smells like old books and a smile always vibrant in his eyes.

Dan was just sitting there, curls covering most of his forehead and blocking the top half of his vision but he didn’t care. He was miles away in his head.

In Dan’s imagination he was floating away, off towards the stars where he was free to live young forever and when people fought they always knew who the bad guy was. Always knew what was right. He dreamed of standing right there, right next to Peter, sword in hand and steps immaculate in skill and speed.

He dreamed often of not only fighting but just relaxed. Free to be himself and to never have to fit in if that was what his heart desired. He imagined lying with Peter, eating fruits and everything else sweet. Not a vegetable in sight. He imagined Peter telling Dan everything, about his adventures, the places he’s seen, everything he’s ever done.

It was safe to say Dan had a not-so-small crush on the ginger haired madman.

Dan sighs as a scream breaks his thoughts. Even at the measly age of 6 he knew he could never be like Peter. He wouldn’t survive the battles because in the end he was just Dan, and Dan isn’t very much at all.

Dan got down from his window sill and walked cautiously towards his bed. He knew he had to be asleep before his mother came in. She worried he was going to be exposed to soon and she never wanted him to get angry. Anger lead to fighting and she swore she would never let that happen to Dan.

It would be years after little 6 year old Dan snuggles under his warm duvet with the old book pressed to his nose, the smell never seeming to fade. That he learned that leaving wasn’t as simple as taking Peter Pan’s hand and running off to Neverland. He would have to work his way out of here, no matter what he had to leave. Peter Pan or Peter Pan-less.

Dan broke out his thoughts as he nears the pet store. On instinct he grins and hurries towards the beige colored door.

The pet store has been his favorite place ever since he found it when he was crying. The owner of the store, Corey, led him in and showed him to the pets. He said that if Dan wanted he could sit down with the kittens for a while.

So, like any smart cat person, Dan mumbled a yes.

The cats were nervous of him when he walked inside, he sat on one of the cushions on the floor, glass walls around him and cat toys splayed across the ground.

Tears were still running down his face and one cat poked her little head out of her cat condo. She was beautiful, tan with a black spot over one bright green eye, she cocked her head to the side and studied him. A bright pink collar was around her neck with a bell that jingled as she jumped out of the condo and walked over to him.

She was quiet for a second, sniffing around Dan’s body as he lay still in tears, unaware of the kittens appearance.

The cat, deciding that she liked him, rubbed her head against Dan’s side, purring loudly.

Dan froze for a second, surprised to hear the sound. He looked down to meet the kitty’s eyes, she mewed again and rubbed her head on his arm, demanding to be petted. Dan giggled at the soft fur on his arm.

“Okay okay. You don’t have to be so assertive.” He giggled before petting the cat, head to the tip of her tail. The kitten purred and her happiness seemed to alert the kittens that “it’s okay he’s okay” soon they had all, 3 in total, emerged from their shell. Soon they crowded around Dan, one  - black - one on his lap, the other - white and tan - playing on the cat condo behind him, poking his ear from time to time. Of course old pink collar was still at Dan’s side, taking all the cuddles she could get.

The shop owner, Mr. Grey, opened the door to find Dan tearless, surrounded by happy kittens that seemed to be having an amazing time.

“They like you.”

Dan giggles and averts his eyes, scratching one of the cat’s tummy and smiling even wider as it purrs and nuzzles against his palm.

“Can I come back?” Dan asks as they walk out of the shop, the sun beginning to slip underneath the green covers of Earth.

Mr. Grey just smiled and gently clasped Dan’s shoulder. “Come back anytime you’d like.”

So now Dan works everyday after school, feeding the cats, cleaning litter boxes, and helping them be sold to excited little kids or equally as excited adults.

He hurries inside, stretching out his back and yawning as he pads towards the front desk where his friend Vanessa was leaning back, scrolling through her phone.

“Hey Van.” Dan smiles and leans against the wall.

She smiles up at him fleetingly, going back to her phone after. Dan stretched his muscles before she sat in her swivel chair and pocketed her phone.

“Did you hear about Phil Lester?” She asks.

A spike of fear ripples through Dan’s veins. He tries to wipe any concern off his face. “No. What happened?”

Van lives on the Lester side of town. The pet store sat between the borders, making it possible for me to a stranger from the Howell side and it seem normal.

“Apparently he slept with someone at the party who was so good he will not stop talking about it.”

Van had taught Dan many things about the Lester side, the main being Phil was hot shit to everyone, the hottest boy in town, the one everyone wanted.

“Anyone who can make Phil melt like that I want to do me next.” She chuckles and Dan’s face explodes in red, he turns to the door until the color dies down.

Phil really thought he was that good? He didn’t even do much, just allowed himself to be pinned down and taken without second thoughts. But Dan will take it.

“And nobody knows who it was?”

“Well Phil’s sister said he had brown hair, kind of your color but curlier.” Van’s eyes scrape over me and Dan flushes, skin tingling in fear. She couldn’t just figure it out so simply, hundreds of people had brown hair and brown eyes like Dan. Especially on the Howell side.

“Ah. And they can’t find him?”

“They think he was visiting from out of town. Somebody’s cousin.”

“Sucks for Phil.”

“Yeah. I can’t imagine being left so high and dry like that.” Van organizes her pens, looking off sadly.

Dan hums in agreement, turning towards the cat rooms. “I’m going to feed the animals. I hope they find him”

Van giggles. “Trust me if they do I’m jumping him so fast.”

Dan walks out of the room quickly to hid his thousandth blush.

-~-

Night surrounded him in a veil of darkness, he could only breath through the circle of pure white seen as the moon. His eyes were trained on it, ears perked as crickets and owls reclaimed the night as their home. The smell of blood creeped towards him and a soft yell from far away went off like a siren in his ears. He hurried faster towards the monochrome mansion sat in the middle of Howell side. Straight out from the middle of the fountain.

Soon Dan saw the top of the mansion’s roof, breaking into a run as sirens approached him from behind. He checked behind him frequently, biting his lip in worry.

Ever since that night with Phil Dan was cautious to stay away from fighting, he worried that if people saw the little of effect it had on him they would suspicious. Not to mention in a fight he couldn’t protect his brothers, not with the thought of his Phil killing him in cold blood.

Wait. His Phil? Where the hell did that come from? He better stop thinking like that before it gets him killed, or worse, grow feelings towards Phil.

That night was gone and over, a chapter he had to shut but he just couldn’t, he didn’t want to see Phil here, to have to watch Phil sink into this horrorshow before dying in cold blood by the place he was raised.

Phil deserved better and Dan didn’t want to know why he thought that. He really, really didn’t.

Pushing the thoughts to the back of his head he opened his front door to an ear rattling cry.

“That fucking Lester!”

It was his brother, only one year older than him but one of the most gifted gunmen. Dan ran into the kitchen, finding his brother lain on the coffee table, holding a few pieces of cloth to his shirt.

Dan squeaked in fear, covering his hand with his mouth. He teared up, rushing forward and kneeling beside his brother. The smell of iron like blood flooded his senses and he tried not to look down, he had always hated the sight of blood.

Dan’s mum bumped him to the side and set down a tray, she sat on her knees, stirring together a mixture to help with the pain as Dan stroked his brother’s cheek.

“Is he alright?” Dan asks, his brothers eyes trained on him but far far away. Dan teared up at the sight.

“The cut isn’t deep, he’ll be fine but sore as hell in the morning. Do you have class then?”

Dan’s brother grabbed his hand, pressing it to his own chest just above a blood splatter. Dan kisses his forehead before answering. “Only one lecture at 5.”

“Alright you take care of him while I go to work.”

“Who did this? Where is everyone else?” Dan asks, looking around the empty living room.

“The boys are down still fighting. That Lester boy with the black hair did it. Phil.” She spits.

Dan goes rigid, memories flashing by like a haywire slideshow. Fingers dug into hips, lips slide against each other, going from dry and chapped to lip within seconds. Hickies dark on skin, kitten licks to the head, Dan smiling up at Phil, a hard cock before him, soft breaths mingling, warmth shared, Phil’s lips pulled into an 'o’ and his eyes shut in bliss. He shakes the memory away and wills himself to breathe. Nobody’s knows, not even his mum could get the truth out of him.

He just needs to forget and keep living without Phil in his thoughts.

He needs that idea to stop being so fucking hard.


	4. Chapter 4

The thing about the internet is the only real sides you have are people that are probably being dicks and the other people probably being bigger dicks. Because any fight on the internet is like watching two toddlers slap their hands together.

Or, compared to here it is.

That’s why Dan enjoys spending a large portion of his time online. Away from the evil gun filled words where the person Dan’s sweet on shoots his family and his family shoots the man right back.

He just skims websites, sometimes getting hooked on youtubers, sometimes spending a few hours looking up apartments for fun. Something which he had a soft spot for.

Dan was on the internet now, struggling to write his essay and finally just giving into the web calling his name. He has a three days to finish it anyway and who gives a shit about the million types of plants and their meaning?

Surfing through Youtube Dan leaned his fist on his hand, eyes scanning blankly until he chose a video.

He could barely pay attention to the cheery woman because at that moment his door was pushed open fully.

Dan’s brother, Gabe. Limped in, smiling brightly as he spied Dan minimizing his window.

“Hey Danny.” Gabe lowered himself unto Dan’s twin bed, flinching as he settled in. Dan turns to face him, legs on either side of his chair’s back.

“Hi. How are you feeling?” Dan asks, looking at the bandage up his brother’s leg. The word ‘Phil’ bouncing around his head, he bites his lip and blanches.

“Could be worse.” Gabe chuckles to himself as he careful touches the area, flinching on instinct. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“About what?.” Dan remains calm but his heart is thumping so hard against his chest he couldn’t breath. Gabe couldn’t know about Phil, only Phil and that girl at the party did.

“Mum told me you were going to go to Jake’s for the weekend and I just wanted you to know that I don’t need a helping hand this weekend. Have fun with Jake and don’t come back if you don’t have too.”

Dan nods, smiling brightly despite himself. His mother has been pestering him and trying to tell him not to go, what with fighting at a peak now that most of the police have given up on the town. The world barely glanced at their town now, writing all the stuff off as angry people with nothing better to do, on some level they were kind of right.

“Thank you Gabe.” Dan stood up and squeezed his brother’s shoulder affectionately, his brother smiled and closed his eyes sarcastically.

Dan rolled his own eyes and sat back down on the bed beside Gabe. Leaning back to look up at the white ceiling.

“No problem. I can handle myself, and I know you can too.” Gabe shakily pulled himself up, walking without help to the door. Dan just nods numbly, smiling back at his brother as the door clicked shut.

-~-

Dan sighed as he turned the shower on full blast. It seems like years since he’d had one, so much had happened in the past few days and it was exhausting him. Phil was exhausting him, he just needed to settle down and relax for a little while.

The water steadily filled the room with steam and Dan texted his friend he would be over soon. Then he set his phone away and sighed, pulling his clothes fully off. He leaned against the porcelain sink and flinches at the cold stone on his bare skin.

While the water heated Dan turned towards the mirror, running his fingers through his now wavy hair. He ran his fingers threw it before pushing his hair up into a quiff. For some reason thoughts of Phil rush back to him, Phil’s hair had been sweaty and clung in a quiff after Dan pulled him off his neck, he remembered Phil’s mischievous grin and the darkness of his irises.

Dan gasps and lets his hair fall, feeling his cock started to harden and his abdomen clench. Shit, he resisted the urge to palm himself and jumped in the shower.

Back when Dan was a horny teenager he used to get off almost every time he took a shower, biting a sock or shirt to silence himself as sex thoughts filled his head.

He thought he was much better than that now that he’d grown 3 years but as he leaned against the shower titles he decided not to count this one, for his sanity’s sake above all else.

It was the shuddering Dan loved most about sex. He recollected as he lazily stroked his tip, his legs jerking at even the smallest touch. Dan loved the way Phil shuddered and squirmed around the sheets, one hand gripping the sheets and the other in his own hair. His mouth hanging open as he rocked his hips into Dan’s mouth. Dan sucked hard around him and Phil gasped as his legs gave out, sliding down on top of Dan’s shoulder, Dan smirked inwardly and licked up his cock once again.

It was that lead up to orgasm that really got Dan going. He spit into his palm to get his hand wetter and leaned his head back against the wall. He bite his lip to avoid saying anything.

Phil’s lead up to orgasm had been almost angelic, or as close to heaven as it can get. He’d gripped Dan’s hips and slowed him down, instead pulling the boy in as deep as possible and shuddering, deep, hard thrusts making Dan moan. The man’s head had tilted back, leaned against the pillow and his eyes scrunched shut. He withered against the sheets and moaned loudly, running one hand up Dan’s body and pulling the young boy down to kiss his neck. Dan screamed as the touch grazed his prostate and that’s what sent Phil over. He pushed his hips unto Dan a few more times before cuming inside of him. Dan gasps into Phil’s mouth, the boy’s cock pushing into his deep tightness and sending a shock through his torso and upper legs.

Dan buries his arm in his mouth to avoid a gasp, taking a hand off his cock to rub at his tight hole and cup his heavy balls. He squeezes them and runs an index finger back up, eyes lidded.

Then Dan forced his mind away from Phil. Instead thinking about the cliche masturbation things, woman sliding up and down his wet cock, lips on his and his hand teasing their clit. Men pinning him down doggy style, licking the shell of his ear and snapping their hips into his prostate. Dan moans at each thought, moving back to his dick and pumping harder to be finished.

Then Dan’s mind went to something else, one of his kinks he didn’t speak of much. He imagined himself draped over the bed, garters up his thighs, a pair of thigh high sheer black socks connected to them and a set of black panties with a small white bow to match. He imagined his wrist tied to the bed and his legs spread, his lover riding him with a vibrator up his ass.

White noise fills Dan’s ears as he gets lost in the fantasy, imaging it all vividly.

He could almost feel the body dragging up and down his cock, the buzz of a vibrator in his ass as it’s pushed deeper inside of him with each movement of the person atop him. Their hole clenched and Dan keens, legs spreading farther and hands digging into their thighs. The person above him gasp, fingernails biting his shoulders as he fucks into them, garters clinking as the metal loop connects with another. Dan’s head drops onto the pillow and he gasps, feeling his body tingle as he hits his rise. Dan fucks into the body like his life depends on it, feeling himself rising to his high as the body above him squeals and yelps, ‘yes!’

“Phil!” Dan moans as he reaches his high, cum spurting from his cock and leaking down his fist. He fucks into the tight rim of his fingers, legs shaking as he finishes himself off.

It wasn’t until Dan was washing his hands and thighs with Dove soap that it hits him what he actually said. “Fuck.” He whispered under his breath, gripping his hair and squeezing his eyes shut. He cannot fucking believe he said that, a rush of shame rushes through Dan and his fingers tingle at the intensity.

He leans against the shower tiles, washing his hair hurriedly to get out of here faster. He’s going to fucking lose it. Thoughts of Phil haven’t left him since that night and even the thought of him makes Dan’s heart beat a little faster.

Dan hates life, he hates Phil and this town and the fact that he is even fucking breathing. He hates everything at the moment. How could this be happening to him now? Phil had almost killed his brothers hundreds upon hundreds of times and here Dan was fucking him then getting a crush on him.

Dan leaned his forehead on the cold wall, wishing he could just smash his head into the tiles and straighten his emotions out. Out of anyone on the planet it had to be Phil fucking Lester. The universe hates him, Dan decides as he turns the shower off and hurries to dry off.

As Dan wraps the towel around his waist he picks up his phone, scrolling through his notifications, there’s a confirmation from his friend that makes Dan’s heart drop.

_“Alright get here at around 5. we can get chips and talk about the mystery person you disappeared with all those nights ago ;)’_

Yeah, Dan was screwed.


	5. Chapter 5

 

The next day Dan is hurrying down the street, hood up and a black backpack heavy on his shoulders. He held both straps and kept his head angled at the floor, speed walking over the border to his friends house. They were planning to meet at a chip shop on the corner Gluenxy Rd and Pauvlin Blvd, one of Dan’s favourite places to be as all the food was delicious and most of the staff was neutral or shielded by the family that owns the store, the Ivans.

Dan’s been eating there for years with his friend, claiming to live only down the street as not to draw suspicion. Dan smiled to himself at the thought of past memories, snorting milk from his nose as he laughed too hard, exchanging gifts before Christmas ended and even getting his first kiss from the employee always working the register when they arrived.

He laughed to himself remembering the time he watched Jake get slapped full across the face by his date. Jake had been so mad that day but in the end understood why the girl was so angry. After all calling her boobs ‘fit’ and making love eyes at the waitress (his ex) did not exactly spell romance.

Dan turned the corner and landed on Paulvin Blvd the street itself was the busiest on the Lester side, including a grocery store, sandwich shop, antique store, small homemade clothing shop, bank and many other shops Dan’s never been in. People were always bustling around it, holding bags and laughing with their friends or on the phone. Today was as always and Dan flipped his hood down to hide suspicion, Jake should be ordering by now but Dan wasn’t worried, his friend new him like a book, he’ll get something delicious.

The air was chillier than most days, causing Dan to shiver and pull his sleeves over his fingers, gripping them so they don’t slide back upwards. He watched the world go by silently, hurrying to the corner as cars whizzed by and people parallel parked next to him. The road itself was at least half a mile and if people weren’t afraid of the town they would be traveling to see the elder buildings and huge houses up on hills behind the street.

Dan smelled the fresh scent of baking bread and sweets as he passed the candy shop, the jingly piano music giving it an older appearance, he smiled happily and step sided a little girl with her father.

The Lester side, if Dan was being honest, was much more lively than the Howell. The Howell side was more homes than shops. Making it hard for people to get clothes unless it was online, the government refuses to build the necessary things such as post offices because there was ‘already one’ on the Lester side. Yeah, right. Nothing dangerous about walking to the side of your enemies and picking up your ‘private’ package.

The thought made Dan giggle and he walks over a crack in the sidewalk, hurrying across the four way street. On his way across he catches sight of something black, his heart stops, he takes a deep breath as his knees quake.

Phil Lester was walking out of the book store in front of him, follow by a man with light brown hair. Phil was laughing, his snakebite piercings curled upward at the movement, his hair was electric blue now, recently dyed Dan guesses but he is quite far, Phil was wearing a midnight blue shirt, low cut to show off his slightly shallow collar bones and the space tattoo creeping up his neck from the bottom of his hip, Dan shivered as memories of clutching that same tattoo washed over him.

As always Phil was beautiful and just the sight of him turned Dan into a mess, Dan turned his head to the floor and took a few steps sideways to hide behind a large family of around 5 or 6. They didn’t notice him and Dan gratefully put his head down and scurried forward.

Just as Phil’s group drew closer Dan’s knees started to quake, a blush ran up his cheeks and he was breathing hard as his heart hammered. Phil’s head was thrown back as he laughed at some joke, the sun brightening his face and his hair seeming to blind Dan in a good way.

Suddenly Dan’s foot scraped forward on the pavement, hitting the bottom of his front foot and sending him tumbling to the pavement, nothing but a sharp squeak leaving him as he fell face first into the sidewalk.

A dull hum fills Dan’s ears and he struggles to sit up, vision blurry and his nose screaming in pain but not bleeding thank god. His hand felt scratched to hell and he looked to see them covered in little pieces of gravel and dirt, some gravel dug into the skin.

“Are you alright?” A soft voice above Dan ask, masculine and deep undertones to the voice that made Dan tremble, he knew that voice, he knew that voice inside and out.

Phil stared down at Dan, his eyes in worry and Dan finally forced himself to tilt his head upward. For a second time stood still, Phil’s chest breathed in and out and his head was tilted, as if trying to remember something.

“I- I am okay.” Dan almost whispered, too nervous to get his voice to a normal octave. His mind was swimming and chanting ‘Don’t remember don’t remember’ even if he’d seen Phil only two days ago he was still terrified. Now that his feelings seemed to have ripped a hole in his heart and let everything drip inside of his body he feared the power Phil had over him. Phil meant a lot to him and that terrified him.

Phil held out his hand, eyes focusing and a cheeky smirk on his face. “What are you doing injuring such a pretty face?”

And just slam Dan’s head against the wall now because his cheeks are burning like a motherfucker and he’s shaking as he takes Phil’s hand, letting his - strong holy fuck - arms pull him back up.

“I haven’t seen you in forever!”

“Phil you say me two days ago.” Dan rolled his eyes and put on a sarcastic persona. “And that was when you made me late for class and got me even more homework assigned.”

Phil just smiled and looked Dan up and down, shamelessly checking him out. “I wasn’t the one who came to school late and stopped for a chat.”

“Bugger off.”

“You wish sweetheart.” Phil laughs and Dan walks past him, giving Phil’s friend a curt nod. Phil’s friend smiles at him, looking at Phil then him with a knowing glint in his eye. Dan just sighs.

“Where you off too? Wanted to show me that cute little butt of yours?” Phil followed Dan closely and Dan couldn’t help but feel his fingers tingle and cool out of nervousness.

“I’m getting something to eat with my friend.”

“The friend who slept with my sister or the friend who ruined my carnations?”

At that Dan pauses and turns around, causing Phil’s chest to connect into his his and knock the air from his lungs. “Your carnations?”

Phil shrugs and flicks his fringe a little farther over. “So a man can’t garden?”

Dan turns around again and Phil falls in step beside him, people quite literally arching to make room for them. Something that made Dan anxious, people have never reacted like this around him before, something he was grateful of.

“I wasn’t saying that. You just don’t look like the gardening type is all.”

“Yeah well. There’s a lot about me you don’t know.” Phil counters and Dan eternally sighs.

“Could you be more cliche?”

“No, but that’s how I become the mysterious male lead.” Phil claims, opening the chip shop door for Dan and Dan catches him waving his brother away, whispering in his ear.

“Oh please. You’ll be in my arms telling me you're ‘flying Dan’ before you know it.” Dan quips and finds Jake in the booth by the corner, hot drink in hand and a small basket of chips before him.

“Yeah.”

The closer they got to Jake the more nervous Dan was, he felt all eyes were on him as he finally made it to the table.

Jake smiled at Dan but the moment he laid eyes on Phil he jumped, eyes widening and fear clear on his face.

“I’ll ah, I’ll go.” Phil bites his lip and turns around, shoulders hunched like a kicked puppy.

Dan rolls his eyes playfully and looks between the two men. Finally making his decision to try and soften the obvious awkwardness.

“Come on Phil you knob.” He playfully punches Phil’s arm and slides into the booth. “I’ll buy you whatever you like and you can tell me why your a jani-” he’s brought to silence at it hits him just how quiet the restaurant has become, he looked around nervously. Before his eyes zeroed in on Phil’s.

Phil’s eyes were a different shade of blue, cold like slipping on ice and landing in the snow. Dan shivered, terrified as Phil bite his lip then placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Danny. Can I see you outside?”

The aura of the store was pitch black, fear in every person's veins and for a second Dan felt very very scared. He shakily moved to his feet, almost stumbling as Phil wrapped an arm around his neck, the sharp click of a knife repeats over and over in his ears. His hands are shaking but he keeps his head high, thinking back to the sweet and gentle Phil he’d talk to seconds before. No fear Howell, not now.

Phil pushes the door open with his foot and the bell chimes solemnly, he takes Dan to an alley. Then he looks over Dan’s features, pushes the knife into his pocket and starts to laugh.

Dan is dropped from his trance within in instant, he blinks heavily a few times and takes a shuddering breath.

The laughter continues and Dan has to smolder a smile as Phil leans on his knees. “Everyone looked so s-scared.”

“Yeah while I was pretty terrified too.” Dan says softly, gazing at his feet solemnly.

“Aw beautiful don’t be like that. I could never hurt you.” Phil laughs and opens his arms, walking forward to swoop Dan into a very unkiller like hug. It was actually quite a nice hug, one that made Dan momentarily forget how hard he was avoiding Phil’s presence and just melt. He wasn’t hugged like this a lot, mostly it was the half quick hugs from friends and none from family, he decides it felt nice to be coddled, by Phil at least.

Phil pulls back and his smile drops, he looks over Dan’s face careful before gently cupping his shoulder. “You alright there Danny?”

“Yeah I’m fine.” Dan smiles forcefully and steps back to the other wall.

For a minute they stay in silence, Phil glaring at the ground, his emotions changing every few seconds as if he was eternally battling over something. “Hey… Dan.” He whispers, not making eye contact.

“Yeah Phil.” Dan smiles to soothe Phil’s nerves but Phil isn't looking.

“If I asked you what I was like… that night. Emotion wise and all that. What would you tell me?” Phil’s lip quivered and his eyebrows furrowed, he angrily scratches his arm. Dan gingerly leaned forward, taking the offending hand and holding it tight.

Dan hummed nervously and gazed off from the alley at the many times walking by. Phil had been a lot of things, he’d been sexy and hot and kind of a dick when he wouldn’t let Dan cum, but overall what was he?

Normally Dan was good with words but now he seemed to blank completely. Phil squeezed his hand and their eyes met, Dan’s breath caught at the flashes of fear in Phil’s eyes. It was strange - to say the least - seeing Phil Lester so afraid of something as small as an emotion, Dan only heard terrifying sob stories about the man but here he was, fear in his eyes, blood in his veins, real. For some reason that was the most terrifying part of all. Dan never wanted Phil to be real, living, breathing, because the moment Phil became real he became a possibility, a choice, something to rely on. To Dan that was never an option, not until now.

“Sweet.” Dan chose, his tongue fumbling at the start and making the second part louder than it should be. The word hangs between them and when it finally graces Phil’s ears the man is silent, head cocked to the side, eyes squinted. As if he couldn’t understand, as if it didn’t make sense.

“Sweet?” Phil says to clarify, his words a monotone drawl of gentle nothing that was somehow scarier than all the screams and yells in the world.

It only hit Dan after Phil took a step forward, repeating the word silently to himself, something else filling his eyes, something deeper.

Nobody has ever called Phil ‘sweet’ before.

Phil’s hands are gentle, he cradles Dan’s jaw like it's a priceless relic, his fingers splay over Dan’s left cheek and he strokes the skin, moving in closer. Blue eyes grow vibrant, the sharp smell of coffee and metal enveloping Dan, lips colliding and sliding wetly against each other.

Dan’s fumbling and hates his fingers for it, they just jump to life and clamp on. He grabs the front of Phil’s black shirt, pulling him closer so their stomachs touch and their legs tangled together.

Phil’s hands slide down Dan’s face, instead gently wrapping around his waist and pulling them closer, pulling back just to lean in as he kisses Dan gently over and over. Dan kissed back gently, when Phil pulled back for air he kissed his nose and along his cheekbones.

Phil made a low humming noise, smiling with full teeth upwards as Dan placed a kiss on his Adam's apple and worked his way up to the underside of his jaw.

“Sweet.” Phil murmured again, voice airy and unconstrained. “Dan, do you want to go hang out at my apartment?”

Dan pauses in his lip barrage, leaning back with the ghost of a blush over his cheeks. “I promised my friend I would stay over at his this weekend.”

“Okay.” Phil said with his shoulders falling, gazing at Dan gently.

“But I could like, ask him to stay for at least one night.” Dan shrugs, Phil burst into a large grin as he held Dan closer, kissing his ear sloppily.

“Ew Phil!” Dan pushed him off, wiping at the wetness on his ear as Phil giggles.

“Sorry!”

“I swear you're just like a dog sometimes.” Dan rolls his eyes and walks out of the alley towards the door of the chip shop.

“Well if I’m a dog you're the cat.” Phil teases, opening the door for Dan. Dan walks through, the silence barely a fear to him now, he just wafts through the store high on Phil ecstasy - Philtasy as Phil would say.

“Touche.” They arrive at Jake’s table once again and Dan smiles down at him.

“Hey Jake. I was wondering if I could stay one night at Phil’s.” Dan asked as Jake raised an eyebrow and jerked his head. Dan took the hint and sat beside him, allowing Jake to whisper in his ear.

“Are you insane. That’s Phil fucking Lester. What would your mum say!” For a second Dan froze before he remembered, Jake didn’t know his origins, all he knew of Dan’s mother was the phone calls they occasionally shared and the fake house on the Lester side run by double agents that Dan was occasionally dropped off at for image's sake.

“I know I know but he won’t hurt me Jake. You know he won’t.” Dan whispers back.

Jake looks over at where Phil is leaning against the counter, checking his phone almost oblivious to all the nervous stares trained on him. “He’s killed people Dan. He’s toxic.”

“I know. I’m not afraid Jake. I… care about him.” Dan admits gently, blushing at the thought, he could almost hear Jake’s eternal scream.

“Are you kidding me! Do you see a future with him!” Jake hisses, causing Dan to flinch.

“No.. of course not… I just. I don’t know, I like him so much. He’s so gentle and he’s kind of kooky and all these great things and I-”

“You’re fucking insane Dan. But I guess- you couldn’t do worse than Ferris. He got caught with the Lester girl and about got shot up the arse.”

Dan burst into laughter at that, covering his mouth with his fist. He feels a set of eyes burrowing into his and turns, catching Phil smiling at him dumbly, eyes glazed and bright. He blushes and looks back at the table before Phil can catch him. Jake sighs beside him, “Yeah it was amazing. Tell you what I’ll give him this weekend but next weekend I get you the whole time.”

“Thanks Jakey.” Dan grins and pulls him into a hug, rubbing his arm.

“Yeah yeah. Have fun.” Jake rolls his eyes and makes eye contact with Phil. Instead of fear a rush of protectiveness filled him and he wraps his arm around Dan, mouthing straight to Phil. ‘Careful’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u so so so so much to every single one of u who sent ur love through lil message to help me write. this was a long time coming and i know the whole story is v slow burn but next chapter things are really going to kick into gear :D


	6. Chapter 6

The first thing Phil does when they get home and is pin Dan to the wall, chest pressed to his and arms pinned up high. He kissed Dan’s forehead first, peppering kisses down to his cheeks and nose before connected their lips. Dan giggles against them, craning his neck to keep them attached as Phil straightens up. **  
**

Phil laughs as he pins Dan’s hands to the wall with one hand and caresses his thigh with the other. He rubs little circles with his thumb, moving closer to the inside and making Dan’s knees weak. Dan shudders as Phil’s hand cups his dick, squeezing it before moving back and stroking his inner thigh.

“Phil. Don’t be an ass.” Dan hisses, rolling his hips back in the direction of Phil’s palm.

“Sorry love.” Phil giggles. “You just look too cute when you’re all flustered.”

“Bastard.” Dan answers but he’s smiles regardless.

Phil tilts his head up to kiss Dan once again, massaging his inner thigh and trailing two fingers along the inner seam, dipping into his hole. This causes Dan’s back to arch and he whines in Phil’s ear, grinding hard on Phil’s fingers.

“Come on.”

“See? So cute.” Phil teases with a shit eating grin. Dan glares at him and sticks out his tongue, shuddering against the wall when Phil popped his trousers open.

“Get on with it before I do it my damn self.” Dan hisses and that seems to snap Phil into motion. Phil’s free hand dips into Dan’s trousers and Phil leaves a small bite on the side of Dan’s jaw as he squeezes Dan’s bulge – one layer closer now.

Phil keeps on his storm of bites and kisses, making his way to Dan’s neck. He pulls apart the flaps of Dan’s briefs and takes his half hard dick out. Dan sighs as Phil starts pumping him and lets his head fall to the wall.

“Shit,” He murmurs with a low, breathy voice. The sound making Phil grin against his neck and drop down to his knees.

Phil uses the hand previously pinning Dan to the wall to caress his stomach and began pulling his shirt up.

Dan moves faster than Phil’s ever seen him, he latches onto Phil’s wrist and tosses it away, pulling the cloth down over his hips once again.

In an instant Phil’s at his feet, stepping away so he’s on the wall opposite Dan. “Dan- what?”

Dan just shakes his head, hands still clamped to his shirt. “I’m sorry I just… I can’t.”

“Can’t what Dan?” Phil takes a tentative step forward and Dan lets him, taking it so far as to lean towards Phil like he was the sun and Dan was a planet drawn towards the gravity of his being. Phil takes the hint and brings Dan’s shaking form to his chest with soft – borderline motherly – murmurs.

“My shirt I-” Then Dan starts crying and Phil’s heart is shred into a million pieces.

Dan was surprisingly light for his height, or maybe Phi was just stronger than he thought. Regardless it was easy to lift Dan up bridal style and set him on the couch, even is his feet hung over the edge and Phil had to kneel beside him.

“Are you self-conscious?” Phil asks as he fixes Dan’s fringe gently.

Dan just shrugs, all thought focused on the crow tattoo permanent on his upper side. He holds his sweater close to his body with his gaze focused on the floor.

Soft fingers grip Dan’s chin and lift it up so he’s met with a pair of concerned blue eyes. “Dan?”

“I’m not.” Dan says quickly as he adverts his gaze once again. “I’m _really_ not. Let’s just not talk about this, I want to have sex with you.” He reached his hands out to cradle Phil’s face, he attempts to press their lips together but Phil pulls back abruptly.

“Dan, stop. I don’t want to have sex while your feeling down.”

“Please, Phil.” Dan kisses his lips again as if he was trying to force an emotion out of him. “Please make me forget for a while.” The funny thing was, Dan wasn’t sure what he wanted to forget – who Phil was, what this night meant, where he was, he just wanted to forget and Phil could do that, sedate him, keep him safe and warm. He needed Phil and fuck – if that didn’t terrify him to no end.

“Okay but right after this we _have_ to talk about it.”

“Phil.” Dan whispered almost to himself. He pulled their lips together once again and this time Phil kissed back, wrapping his arms around his neck and crawling onto his thighs.

“I’m right here beautiful.” Phil giggles and kisses Dan’s neck once again, moving down to squeeze his crotch. Dan whimpers and rolls his hips into Phil, smiling gently with his head tilted back.

“Shut up.” Dan giggles and grabs Phil’s shoulders to flip them over then he shakily sits himself in Phil’s lap and pulls Phil’s black shirt over his head. Phil places his hands on Dan’s lower back, not going beneath the hem as he rubs little circles into the area. Dan leans into the touch and sighs, his hands finding a place of Phil’s exposed chest.

“Okay?” Phil asks as he touches Dan’s pant button and his eyes fly open.

“Y-yeah.” Dan kisses Phil’s forehead to calm himself as Phil unbuttons his pants once again and rubs his hard tip.

Dan shudders and jerks his hips forward, a sigh escaping as Phil pumps him gently. Dan lays his head on Phil’s shoulder, kissing his ear for no reason.

Phil pushes Dan’s pants to his ankles and Dan lifts his legs to help him toss them away. “This okay?” Phil mumbles as he kisses the side of Dan’s head and massages him through his underwear.

“Yeah.” Dan replies in a squeaky high pitched voice. Letting Phil push his boxers off and unto the floor.

“You’re so pretty Dan.” Phil says for the hundredth time, kissing Dan’s neck and chest as he massaged his thighs and tummy.

Dan says nothing, too wrapped up in pleasure to think about answering, he bucks his hips and Phil smirks to himself.

“Do you want to go to my bedroom?” He asks and looks around to see if he’s left any lube around the living room.

Dan glances around the small open floored flat, it was the dirtiest apartment he’s ever seen, he could briefly see a banana peel tossed to the floor and a glass of milk left on the counter.

“Is it cleaner?”

Phil snorts and laughs into Dan’s neck. Dan’s heart speeds up at the feeling of Phil’s warm body pressed to his and hair tickling his chin.

“Maybe.”

Dan nods and squeals as Phil picks him up. “Phil! Don’t drop me.” He warns and clutches Phil’s shoulders while Phil pushes the bedroom door open.

“I won’t drop you Dan. Stop worrying.” Phil chuckles and drops Dan to the bed’s edge. He drops to his knees before Dan and takes his cock in hand, watching Dan squirm beneath him.

Dan hisses as Phil’s tongue through his slit and desperately grabs Phil’s hair with both hands. He moans as Phil places a sloppy kiss to his hipbone and licks up the length of his cock.

Something about Dan Phil picked up the last time they were together was that Dan was particularly sensitive when it came to his balls and perineum, maybe he had never touched there in a pleasurable way. Phil shivers hotly at the mere thought of Dan being so innocent and licks around his tip yet again.

Phil made sure Dan wasn’t ready, he took Dan by complete surprise when he leaned down and licked a few stripes over his balls. Dan’s back arches and he gasps, tugging at Phil’s locks as Phil hides his recoil from the taste – Dan better be glad Phil cares for him.

Dan shuddered and his legs jerked up the bed, spreading wider as Phil took him deeper. He calls out, a mumbled slur escaping.

Phil pinned Dan’s hip down to keep him grounded so don’t buck up as he proceeded to cupped the lower part of Dan’s cock with his tongue. He slid it up slowly and sunk his cheeks into encase Dan in his wet, soft mouth. Dan groaned and rocked side to side, pulling Phil’s hair harder and harder on accident.

The tight ring of Phil’s lips and the gentle caressing of his tongue have Dan’s heartbeat thrumming through his body. His head’s tilt back and his eyes are closed in ecstasy. Phil watches him as he strokes Dan’s hip and takes him to the base.

“C-close.” Dan chokes out and Phil giggles to himself, letting his hand play with Dan’s balls. Dan groans and tosses his head as Phil strokes his perineum.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck!” Dan cries out as his breath speeds up. His back lifts off the bed and his feet press to Phil’s sides, the headboard slams into the wall as Dan fucks into Phil’s throat. “Phil! Please!” His voice is deep but somehow high pitched, he’s shaking and jerking into Phil’s mouth.

Phil continued to play with Dan’s balls, listening to him gasp and whimper, feeling him shudder, watching his head toss back and neck tense, tasting the salty precum running down his throat, smell the sweat and cum that followed sex. Dan’s back arched and he cried out, finally coming down Phil’s throat, Phil works him through it with gentle bobs. Dan whimpers and whines get smaller and smaller until he tugs Phil back, eyes dazed.

“F-f- you, you fucking _swallowed_ it.” He murmurs and gazes at Phil as if the man were a superhero.

Phil just smiles and kisses Dan’s stomach – just beneath his belly button. Then he scoots up and cuddles into Dan’s shoulder, sighing happily.

“Phil what about you?” Dan asks breathlessly as he stares at the ceiling. He winds his arms around Phil and pulls him close.

“I’m tired babe. And you’re about to fall asleep.”

“What?” Dan answers with his voice dragging.

“See,” Phil giggles and kisses Dan shoulder. “Sleep, I’ll get you back later.”

“I’m tired Phul.”

“I know, sleepy,” Phil kisses Dan again and his hair splays over Dan’s jaw.

And just like that Dan was asleep.

-~-

Dan woke up before Phil, yawning instantly as he took in his surroundings and the warmth pressed to his torso. He glances down and finds Phil fast asleep, fringe splayed and hiding half his face. Dan giggles to himself and slows his breathing down to not wake up Phil. His chest growing uncomfortable at the lack of air to his lungs but Dan could care less – he just wanted to hold Phil some more.

So Dan held Phil close, thinking over everything that happened the past couple days and staring at the fresh white paint on Phil’s ceiling. Phil is snoring softly and a little gasp comes from him, snapping Dan from his thoughts.

“Phil?” He asks and Phil’s nose twitches causing him to eternally melt. “Phillll,” Dan drawls and shakes Phil’s body gently. Phil grumbles unhappily in response and pops one eye open.

“Hi Dan,” He murmurs voice deep and gravely.

“Hey,” Dan whispers back and fixes Phil’s fringe for him. Gently tucking the hair behind his ear to kiss his forehead.

“Whatre udoin?” Phil slurs and looks up crossed eyes at his forehead.

“I don’t know. I’m just feeling happy I guess,” Dan shrugs with a little giggle and kisses Phil’s cheek this time.

“Well… if I _must_ be sprinkled in kisses from a gorgeous sexy man, then I will endure the pain.”

“Hush up.” Dan giggles and cradles Phil’s head with his hands, admiring the red lines on his face from Dan’s shoulder. Phil sticks his tongue out at him before grabbing the edges of the blanket and throwing it up over them.

“More sleep.” Phil declares and lets the comforter naturally lose air to cover them up. Phil lays his head back on Dan’s shoulder and yawns loudly.

“No, Phil, I just woke up. I wanted to do things today..” Dan whines and shakes his hips to wake Phil up.

“Sleeping.” Phil answers and covers Dan’s mouth with his hand.

Dan responses by licking Phil’s hand and throwing the man off beside him. Phil squeals as he makes contact with the other side of the king sized bed and Dan crawls on him, sweater barely large enough to hid his flaccid cock.

“Phillll.” He settles down on Phil’s stomach as he bats Phil’s shoulder. “Awake time.”

“No. You’re the worst,” Phil tries to push Dan off but Dan just grabs his arms and pins them to the bed. “Dan seriously I’m going to fucking skin you.” Phil’s playful whining drops and his smile goes with it. He looks downright murderous, a dark gleam in his eye and lips pressed together, his words are like daggers and Dan has to conceal a gasp. This was what Phil looked like when he shot Dan’s brother, this is what Phil looked like when he wasn’t Phil. This was- this was the Phil Dan had feared his whole life.

Dan started shaking instantly and scurried off of Phil. Falling off the bed in the process and blanching as Phil stared at him. Phil could kill him, Phil probably had a thousand ways to kill him right here in this bedroom. The thought was scary but so correct that Dan would’ve ran if it weren’t for the fact he was half naked.

“Da-?” Phil tries to ask but Dan just presses himself further into the wall. “I’m so sorry Dan. I’m just a big old grumpy puss in the mornings. I didn't’ mean to scare you, I’ve kind of just been raised to be intimidating,” Phil smiles sadly to himself and scoots off the bed. He locates Dan’s boxers and gently toss them across the room. “You can leave anytime you want.”

“I-” Dan pulls his pants up and stands before Phil, lip quivering. “I don’t want to go.”

Phil turns around and lays back down at that. He doesn’t say a word as he pulls the blanket over him. Dan sighs and runs a hand through his hair. He allows himself to shakily stand and walk through the door – shutting it gently as not to scare Phil.

Well Phil is asleep Dan busts out the eggs and bacon from his horrendously under stocked fridge and struggles to turn on his ancient stove. For a sort of new house the appliances are atrocious, Phil must have brought them from home. Dan finally succeeds in lighting the fire and gently creates a few sets of eggs, three scrambled, 3 unscrambled in case Phil won’t like the first batch. 

It’s weird, for Dan to be acting like such a good little partner when he sworn off feelings with Phil ages ago. They fucked and they kissed but that was all – it was what they both needed. A little bit of ease taken off once in awhile. Plus if somebody were ever – god forbid – to find out what Dan was doing he could simply write it off as no, they were both drunk and it meant nothing.

Dan squeaks as something warm wraps around him, he almost stabs the soft objects with his spatula before he notices the paleness of the skin. Warm tingles shoot threw his stomach and he gulps as a hot body pressed to his back.

“I’m so sorry I scared you babe.” Phil murmurs in a deep voice, still half dressed with his lips kissing the margin between Dan’s jaw and neck.

Dan melted under Phil faster than he’s liked to admit – he just leaned against the older? How old was Phil exactly? He couldn’t be older than 30 certainly. Whatever, he’d ask later.

Phil’s chest moved deeply against Dan’s back as he breathed, his arms held Dan tight and he yawned, stomach muscles rippling. Dan sighs to himself contently and slides the eggs unto the plate.

“It’s alright. I overreacted. I do that a lot honestly.” Dan huffs air from his noise that causes Phil to frown.

“No no. You were scared, that’s nothing to be dismissive about. I’m sorry. I’m bad in the mornings.” Phil pulls Dan to him tighter and kisses his temple so gentle it feels like a ghost’s caress.

“It’s okay Phil, really. I’m fine now. Everything is fine now.” Phil giggles happily and kisses Dan yet again, this time placing his head on Dan’s shoulder.

“You mean a lot to me Dan.”

Dan smiles and continues to cook the eggs with a shaking hand.

_This was nothing this was nothing this was nothing_

Phil is nothing. At the thought Phil’s chest hums against Dan’s back and his stomach is fluttering uncomfortably.

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck_

This was everything


	7. Chapter 7

Dan and Phil have been pressed to each other for the past hour and Dan has no intentions to pull away, ever. 

His head was pressed to Phil’s chest and his arms kept Dan close. They were watching some movie Dan wasn’t paying attention to - instead he was placing small dainty kisses along the underside of Phil’s head.

“Dannn. Movie.” Phil whines and cranes his head upwards. Dan peppers more kisses down his neck and giggle against his skin. Dan’s head soaring in the clouds while he barely think straight – it’s bliss.

“Don’t mind me.” Dan whispers back and wrap his arm around Phil’s waist to pull him closer and kiss his temple. He sighs gently and finally relaxes into Dan’s kiss raid.

“We’re not having sex at 7:00,” Phil says indefinitely and Dan goes rigid.

“Who said anything about sex?” Dan inquires and pull back ever so gently to give Phil a pointed look. His eyes find Dan’s and he raises an eyebrow upon seeing Dan’s furrowed eyebrows and tight lip.

“Why else would you be kissing me all over?” His hands grow numb around him and Dan can feel his arms slipping away. Panic seeps in, Dan don’t want Phil to let go,he doesn’t want to fight about this.

God, here Dan am freaking out once again. Dan hates being so uneasy around Phil but it’s just natural.

“True.” Dan answer simply and kiss him one more time. Even if the lie sits funny on his tongue.

Phil huffs out a laugh and pulls him closer so Dan’s basically sat in his lap. Dan nuzzles into his neck again instantly.

They sit quietly watching the movie, Dan’s fingers occasionally tapping against Phil’s chest as music filled his head like always.

Recently Dan’s had ‘Sally’s Song’ from Nightmare Before Christmas stuck in his head. But mostly the Amy Lee version, a song Dan was particularly obsessed with during his emo phase, something about the haunting tones and draw of her voice rattles through Dan. Dan hums along to the tune and tap out the beat against Phil’s shoulder.

“What are you humming? It sounds familiar.” Phil asks and Dan look up to meet his eyes with a smile.

“Sally’s Song.” Dan shrugs. “It’s stupid.” He looks off distantly, blushing as Phil squeezes him. He never liked people knowing his music taste, he didn’t know why, it just felt so… intimate.

“It’s not stupid. I haven’t to that song in forever.” Phil reaches over to the coffee table and grabs his phone. He gasps as he turns his phone and Dan watch him scroll through hundreds upon hundreds of notifications.

“Phi-?”

“Dan I’m so sorry. You’ve been so amazing but I have to go right now. Stay here if you like. I’ll be back soon. Promise.” Phil kisses Dan's forehead and hurries to grab his coat.

“What happened?” Dan struggle to get up and follow him with our shared blanket still wrapped around his shoulders.

“A fight broke out by the fountain. Something about a scuffle and a Howell got cut up. I don’t know.” Phil went over to the vanity beside the door and the sound of heavy metal came as he opened a drawer. Dan knew that sound, it was hard to forget, _guns_.

“Which- which Howell?” Dan forces himself to keep a steady voice but his mind went straight to his brother. With his injured leg there was no way he could escape a particularly bad scuffle.

“I don’t know. One of the distant ones, apparently he was friends with a Lester and the Lester didn’t know. Why do you care?” Phil turns to Dan as he stuffs a few bullets into his pant pockets.

Dan blanches, hands clenching as he struggles to find an excuse. “My mom’s a nurse. And a neutral. She looks after the wounded when she can.”

“Oh. Weird.” Phil grabs another round and loads his gun. Dan watches him in silence and notice with a pang in his chest that Phil’s hands are shaking. Out of every person to be in this war Dan never expected Phil to be the shaking one. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Don’t get yourself killed.” Dan says as Phil opens the door and steps away.

“I try not too!” Phil answers back as the door slams.

Dan’s swallowed in silence, his mind spinning with the blanket still held tight over his shoulders. He’s nervous for Phil, he’s nervous for his family, for his brother, he’s nervous for everyone involved. Dan hates when people get hurt, especially when they were close to him.

Dan was always an opposite to his brothers. He had a big heart and could barely even stomach the sight of a gun. He slowly sat himself down on the couch and turns the movie off. Leonardo Dicaprio’s sad eyes trained on his, he looks at the tears soaking Leo’s face and feels pain in his heart. Leo was a good actor, Dan always admired him, especially when he was in Rom-

Something in Dan’s head chimed. He jerked upwards and gasped as everything clicked into place.

_Romeo and Juliet_

**fucking** Romeo and Juliet. How did he not see it? Phil and him were exactly the same as the two characters in the historically acclaimed worst tragedy of all time. Well they were less stupider and not 13 but they were hard to distinguish in other ways.

Dan held his breath as he felt a stab through his chest. He has to leave Phil, he has too. Phil and him were doomed, they were so fucked, they were so-

No, Dan has to stop this fucking shit. He and Phil clicked, they worked well together and Phil was fucking sexy and beautiful and so kind. And Phil cared for him, that he knew through the haze of their friends with benefits/half lovers bullshit Phil still cared. Phil wore his heart on his sleeve more than he’d like to admit. Dan laid back down on his back, he was not Juliet, he wasn’t going to pull a Romeo and Juliet. Phil and he would live, they would survive this and run away and live out their lives somewhere beautiful in America. There were plenty of movies about it.

Dan forced himself off the couch and stumbles over to the small pushed up platform that held Phil’s desk and overlooked the street. Now completely empty. Dan opened random drawers, he needed some paper and pen. He had a Uni paper to write.

Along the way Dan comes across a small album filled with Polaroids – all of Phil. There was Phil with a short ginger bowl cut sat with his brothers around a campfire cooking marshmallows. Then one of him in the bath laughing at the camera with a flower over his privates which Dan snapped his own photo of. Next one of a slightly older Phil with his arm slung around a young girl with round cheeks and short black hair, they grin at the camera and Phil throws a rock on sign. What a nerd.

Dan smiles dumbly at the photos before taking a few more pics of them and setting his home screen to Phil’s tub photo. Not that he would tell Phil, but if Phil were to stumble upon them there was nothing stopping Dan from teasing him relentlessly.

The moment he slides the next drawer open Dan drops his phone on the desk with a cringe worthy thump. An antique pistol sits in the drawer, old bullets in a small cushioned box beside it. Dan wouldn’t even look at it, he just slams the drawer shut and doesn’t turn back.

The antique pistols was Phil’s signature weapon. It took the life of three different Howells, Dan’s two uncles and his cousin. He still remembers the day they died, he was twelve and sitting in his room listening to music when his mother came in and burst into tears. Dan held her as she cried and when he began to cry she turned strong, holding him until the tears stopped. That day left his cousin Armin alone in the world and he stayed with the Howells ever since.

Dan shudders and wills the memory away before he tears up. He goes back to his paper and begins to right.

_‘A rose by any other name is just as sweet’ - once said Juliet in the famous play Romeo and Juliet._

//

Dan is scribbling the third page of his paper when there’s a thump from outside. He tenses and pricks his ears – hoping Phil is finally home and safe.

Another thump follows and Dan turns towards the door. The sound was nearing.

“Where is he!” A scream comes from behind the door, familiar but too muffled for Dan to place it. His blood runs cold, thoughts going to Phil. What if he found out? What if he was here to kill Dan?

“I don’t know!” Someone yells and a gunshot rings through the hallway.

Dan freezes, he’s shaking all over as the thumping gets closer and there’s a fist knocking hard on the door. His heartbeat is loud in his ears and Dan makes a scramble for the gun, all sensibility leaving his head as he loads the gun and takes off the safety.

He couldn’t die here. His mother would never be the same, Phil wou- he didn’t know what Phil would do. Ideally it would break him, Dan hoped if Phil killed him he would regret it. Dan certainly would.

A large weight slams into the door and Dan screams on accident. Slapping his hand over his mouth to try sedate himself.

“I know you’re in there you fucker! You’re going to fucking die!”

The door screeches and groans as it starts to give way and Dan shaking so hard his hand is a blur. His stomach is twisting and turning, all he can do is back up until he spine hits the wall beside the desk.

The door gives it final cry as it loses what little grip it still has and falls to the floor.

Dan screams again, this time more high pitched as he saw who ran in.

Armin. It _had_ to be Armin.

Armin is shock still, his gun trained on Dan’s chest and eyes wide as they looked upon his face. Dan gasps and the whole world freezes, he can feel the breeze on his legs that his boxers weren’t covering and Phil’s hoodie hanging over his hips.

Armin’s arm falls in shock and his mouth moves slowly from open to closed.

“Danny?”

Dan’s ears stop, a dull ring filling them as the smell of smoke fills the air. His hands are shaking so hard and the gun feels like 50 lbs in his hand. He screams in horror as red begins to cover Armin’s shirt, Armin looks from the smoking pistol to his own blood. He sucks in a wet gasp and drops his gun.

“Danny.” He whispers, voice broken as he falls to his knees.

“Armi!” Dan screeches and throws the gun as far away as he can. He feels dirty, like grime is covering his finger tips. He tries to inch towards Armin – his cousin, his friend – but Armin shoots his hand up to stop Dan.

“Traitor,” A trail of blood runs down the corner of Armin’s lip and his eyes go blank.

“Armin?” Dan gasps and falls to his knees, shaking his cousin as Armin finally hits the floor with a cold lifeless thump. Blood surrounds him in a pool and Dan’s ears are ringing with a new word, a word ten times worse when the ring.

_traitortraitortraitortraitortraitortraitortraitor_

Dan looks at his bloods and his Armin’s blood, his cousin’s blood, so much fucking blood still growing around him, staining his legs.

“Dan!” Dan’s head snaps up and he sees Phil, mouth agape and eyes wide, staring at him like he’s a monster, like he’s a killer. “What have you done!” Phil cries and pulls Dan out of the pool and to his feet.

Dan’s legs give out instantly and his hands are shaking as Phil pulls him into a hug. He buries his mouth in Phil’s shoulder but he’s not crying. He isn’t he crying? He wants to be crying. So bad, so bad. He stares blankly at the body bleeding out in front of him and the door lying in splinters around it.

“Oh Dan oh Dan oh Dan.” Phil rubs his back and Dan shakes harder.

**_murderer_ **


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for: DEATH, DROWNING, PUKE, AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS (not hardcore)

Two weeks later nothing changes, Dan still stares at the ceiling until dark is replaced by stripes of pale light, Phil creates a plan to do something drastic. Phil texts Dan things to lift his spirits, Dan throws up. 

Mum cries. 

She cries so fucking much Dan can’t stay in the house for two seconds without wanting to die. He sees her sometimes, her brothers see that he sees her, he walks away, they watch him throw up again. They wonder. They don’t dare ask. 

Things change, the attic is cleared out, candles lit, God’s prayed to for gentle passing and forgiveness. Dan loses 30 pounds in two weeks. Nothing can be done to rewrite the past. 

This isn’t some sci-fi movie or video game, there’s no continues, no extra lives, just Dan and the black pit inside of his heart.

He wasn’t  _ like  _ them. He  _ wasn’t _ . He was Dan, he was going to run, he wasn’t going to be tied up in all of this but here he is, ropes around his ankles tugging him to ground. He should’ve known, should’ve known something horrible would happen, should’ve known there’s no escape from this tiny hell of a town. 

Tomorrow was the day, that’s what he kept telling himself, tomorrow he would run, tomorrow freedom would flow over his skin like silk and fresh air would be the only thing filling his nose. But tomorrow never came, it was just another day, the sludge of regret and depression suck Dan’s feet in and spill from his mouth as it chokes him. Tomorrow is another day and Dan is never going to escape. That is, on his own.

Phil has only given him quick updates, not anything he hasn’t already heard at home. Armin's body was dropped off on their doorstep before Dan got home. He had to act surprised, had to act like there wasn’t  _ blood on his hands  _ because of Armin. 

Dan replayed that moment a thousand times a day, watched it seemingly through glass as his fingers pulled the trigger. He didn’t even feel it, the movement, the pressure of his finger on the trigger. It was all tossed away from his memories like a bad moment in time. He remembered the smoke but that seems to take away from his vision, he remembers blood and he remembers screaming and he remembers Phil grabbing him a cup of water and asking if he was okay --  _ okay  _ like he was supposed to just shake this off and kill another soul. 

Well he can’t because Armin had people who loved him. Dan loved him. His mother loved him like a child. Her first child lost at the hands of her smallest boy. 

Dan forced himself to lay in bed and plug his headphones in, he took a deep breath out of his nose and placed his hands over his face. Nothing took the weight off his chest. Nothing ever would as far as Dan was concerned. 

And the worst part, the worst  _ fucking  _ part. He remembers. He remembers why he did it, he remember why he  _ had  _ to kill Armin. He sickens himself sometimes.

He was stood there in Phil’s apartment, Phil’s hoodie around his body, dressed only in boxers. It was too obvious, Armin knew, he knew, it was just so fucking  _ obvious. _   
  


On some level Armin had to die.

Dan is ready to throw up again. 

He thinks about it everyday, the fog of his greatest flaw choking himself slowly until all that is left is the sludgy puddle of pain and misery he’s become acquainted with enough to consider a friend. A dear one, even. 

On another level Armin didn’t have to die. In some other universe, on some other plain of existence. Dan wasn’t stupid enough to pull the trigger. He wasn’t stupid enough to end a life to save his own and Phil’s. In another life he lowered his gun, he explained that this was all an elaborate scheme, he got out alive with his friend.

But parallel universes are for dreamers and if Dan wants to dream he may as well let them put a bullet through his skull now. 

Dan stands before the mirror, hands shaking, mouth a grim line. He tightens the black tie on his equally black suit. Mum wants him to carry the coffin. He wishes he was in it instead. He forces his eyes away from the killer, the murderer, the  _ demon  _ t hat hides behind the mirrors eyes. 

Somewhere deep inside of his chest, Dan lets go. 

The ride to the church is quiet. Mum never cries when people are about, bad for publicity. Instead she sits, back a straight line and eyes unwavering. It’s almost scary, the atmosphere in the car akin to a fucking knife through the chest. Dan doesn’t feel like he can breathe and grief is written on all his brothers' faces. 

What had he done?

They all assume it was Phil, obviously, and Phil took the blame because ,well, he’s Phil. Phil wasn’t build with a brain. For the most part. 

Phil got Dan out of town fast as he could, he got Dan over the border and home at a time where there would be no worry. Phil knew everything about covering up a murder. Dan was terrified of the thought of how many people he had to send to doorsteps. Phil is on the other side of town now, probably planning to hurt Dan’s family, planning to hurt the whole world. 

It was hard, to realize now that Dan was on Phil’s level of life. He was a killer, a Crow, a Snake, he was everything rolled into one in such a way his seams were beginning to split. 

Dan presses his head to the cold glass and watches his breath fog the window. 

They give him the middle of the coffin to hold, loud, sorrow filled music playing as he carried his friend, his brother, into the chapel. It would only be some cruel joke of fate that Dan would be so close to the wound that killed a loved one. 

The worst part was knowing Armin would never forgive him. Not ever. Armin could relive  thousand lives just to put a gun to Dan’s head and shoot. His friend was lost, and so was he. 

Armin was older than Dan by 2 years. He was always so happy and playful, he loved to play fight with his brothers. He even had a deep love of cooking that he only told Dan about. Just Dan. His confidante if you will. His best friend. 

Dan feels sick all over again. 

It could have been anyone else. It could've been anything else. But instead it was Armin, Dan’s faithful companion. The person who knew Dan inside and out. The man who knew Dan was going to split, the man who was going to help anyway he could. 

Armin didn’t deserve this. Nobody deserves to die at the hands of those they love. 

During the service people speak. They walk up with wet smiles and notecards, they read fast, voices waver. Nobody cries, they are still Howells after all. Weakness even in death is fool’s gain. Dan only lets one tear slip and wipes it away before his brothers could catch it. The rest of the service Dan is numb, shaking hands, faking thank you’s, sometimes not saying anything at all. The air in the whole church is grief and not a whisper breaks the wall of silence each Howell has built. 

After the preacher walks back into his office they allow everyone to go up and see the casket. It’s open and a baby blue blanket is draped across Armin’s chest. 

Dan doesn't move, his mother tries to grab his arm and drag but he slips from her touch. She asks him to walk with her but Dan needs air. He needs to remember how to breath. 

_ Traitor _

Dan walks, hands in his pocket. 

_ Traitor _

Dan runs, arms swaying. 

_ TRAITOR _ _   
_

Dan’s sprinting, his lungs burn, he doesn’t feel them. He doesn’t feel a goddamn thing, he runs through town, dodging people with tears running down his face. 

  
There’s a fountain that marks the line between Howell’s and Lester’s. The boundaries were set many years ago by one drop of blood. The fountain has a statue in middle of a man, his legs tucked close together and arms open as if to welcome everyone to his town, to home. Dan falls to his knees before this fountain, copper and silver glinting before his eyes. False wishes straight from false hope. 

Nothing feels real, Dan still can’t breath. 

He needs, he needs to-

And just like that Dan Howell’s head is lost beneath the foot of water. 

The statue’s eyes are cold grey, watching with calculated eyes as the boy with greasy hair and a primed suit creates his own bubbles. His mouth is curved into a false smile and his hair is scruffy. He is silent but the world around him screams like a buzzard. 

Dan Howell thrashes in the water and Dan shuts his eyes. 

If he can kill Dan Howell then maybe, just maybe, he can run. 

There are two types of people in the world, the liars and the killers. 

What is the difference between these people?

Is it fame? Fortune?

The last of Dan’s air leaves his lungs and he’s gulping down grey. 

The truth, my dear friend, is that killers know when to stop. 

And liars just, won’t, quit.

Dan’s head erupts from the fountains waves. His hair flings back a mess of water that stains his perfect suit. His cheeks are red and he’s struggling to breath he. He presses his head to the fountain’s curb and wills himself to breath deeply.

  
A few tears get lost in the fountain’s grey and Dan swears the statue’s eyebrows rise.

Then Dan gasps, blinking heavily as his eyes find the stained glass of the church and he was left to wonder if he had a shred of sanity left. No, would be the simplest answer, but Dan wasn't simple. He was just really, really fucking stupid. 

He was just a liar that was tore in half to become a killer. 

To become a real Howell like everyone else.

Dan is sick all over the church's bathroom floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so so late!!!! thank you to everyone who has commented and liked so far, you inspire me too keep writing. ive been in a funk so it feels so fucking good to finally start writing again. i love you all and i hope you have a wonderful day!!


	9. Chapter 9

 

The world is loud, 100% of the time. The world is full of animals and humans alike just making sounds that grace the ear like no other. Hell, the entire universe is screaming every moment of every day. Begging listeners to uncover the story inside of it. 

The world is moving 100% of the time. Unfeasible to everyone no matter how hard we force ourselves to pay attention.

Somehow, the world is silent, stopped like an hourglass lain on it’s side. My universe has frozen in place and no matter how still I stand I can’t freeze with it.

It happens three days after the funeral, after the world goes empty. The papers and full tea mugs on the coffee table are tossed aside once again. Lost room is given to another weight, and another liquid tethers over the edge. Blood washing over the dried tea stains in the carpet as before.

I can’t help but throw up.

“Those fucking Lester's!” My brother is screaming, no, screeching. As I rush back in, taking Gabe’s hand in mine. He looks at me, eyes blurry and blood across his face.

“Dan? It hurts. It hurts so bad,” He gasps as they apply the painkillers, his hand is tightening around mine. I can almost feel my bones creaking against his own.

Tears build in my eyes. I will them away, no tears, not now. Gabe doesn't deserve any doubt right now.

“What did the Lesters’ do?” My mother bursts in, silencing us all. She walks over to my brother with no emotion on his face, she just pulls her brown ringlets into a ponytail and starts to work on his head wound.

“It was the leader, Phil, he slammed Gabe’s brain into a wall just before we could save him. Bitch,” My oldest brother, Steven, murmurs, his fist pounding the table. We all sit solemnly, watching my brother jerk and scream with each touch of my mother’s gloved hands.

“Dan?” Gabe asks, I feel sick. Phil did this, why? Why do I fucking trust him? Why do I want him to calm me down now? Why am I the monster?

“Yeah, Gabe?” I whisper, pushing his hair out of his face gently. His eyes squint and I watch the fuzziness start to take over.

“Why did Phil know your name?” Then Gabe’s eyes flutter to a close and his body limbs. Mum shudders, chewing into her lip as she places two fingers over his neck.

“He’s alive, of god, he’s alive. My baby, my darling,” Mum hugs him tightly, one tear running down her face. “It’s a coma. Dan, Chris, get him to the hospital.”

I let go of Gabe's hand, nervously glancing around me. Everyone is gazing at the body, relief on their faces. Thank god nobody heard him.

Chris helps me to my feet. Thinking my shock is over Gabe. It should be.

We work together, me getting in the back. My brothers carry Gabe into the car and I hold his head in my hands. Blood soaking my black jeans, only making them darker.

“That Lester bastard!” Chris slammed his hands on the steering wheel, tears rushing down his face as he starts to drive. “How’s he holding up back there?”

“He’s breathing steadily. I’m so scared Chris.” Mum knew to put us together right now. We were closest to Gabe after all, me being his childhood friend and Chris being his twin. We all shared a room together our whole lives until I got the smallest cot upstairs in the closet (fitting)

“I know, Dan. Honestly I am too. Phil will pay,” Chris reassures me. His brown eyes meeting mine in the mirror.

I nod shakily, my veins flowing with a reborn heat. Phil will pay for this, it was his fault Devin was at the apartment in the first place, this is all his fucking fault. He did this to me. He ruined everything with his cock and his smile and his stupid fucking brain that makes me laugh and love him and bullshit.

I’m going to kill Phil Lester if that’s the last thing I do.

//

It’s hard to breath in a hospital room, hard to breathe for all those involved. I sit on the peeling seat and play with the loose cushion fabric. Gabe’s head is propped up by the double stack of pillows, chin pressed to his chest in a way that’s sure to create a kink.

The nurses don’t like us, I can see it in their eyes when they pass. It breaks my heart to know that they could hurt him.

The nurses don’t know me. I had to give them a fake name at the register and only cry over my brother when I find an abandoned bathroom.

It’s not good, holding back so many tears. I know that, _everyone_ knows that. Tears are meant to roll down one's face to relieve stress, to show sadness. But Howell’s don’t fucking cry. We are strong, stronger than Lester's, stronger than everyone.

And if I’m going to be a Howell now, I’m going to have to stop crying all the time.

I’m going to have to stop being real all the time.

“Daniel. Daniel Blackenship?” Comes a soft voice from the door, along with a quick knock. My fake name is unmistakable, I’ve told it to everyone my entire life. I would give so fucking much to just be a hopeful Blackenship again.

“Yes?” I answer back, straightening my back and forcing my voice to speak clearly.

“I’m Nurse Sofie, may I come in?”

“Of course,” I take my hand out of Gabe’s and scoot away as the door creaks open.

Sofie gives me a gentle smile as she enters, dragging a cart in behind her. Instantly she turns to Gabe, fiddling with the controls on various machines. We don’t talk much, just an idle chat of ‘so how did he get in?’ to which i would reply ‘took a bad tumble down our steps at home’ like we agreed on. The police didn’t need to try intervening.

“Hey kid,” Sofie asks again, her voice soft.

I raise an eyebrow as Sofie turns around, her eyes tired. A flash of recollection crosses my mind, her nose is familiar, but where have I seen her.

“I’m about to change the IV,” she explains, gesturing towards his arm with a nod.

_Chip shop? She’s cute enough to be hired on the spot._

“I just don’t want you to get sick.”

_College friend? Surely that couldn’t be the case either. I would know more than her face if we shared a class. I like noticing small, almost unimportant things about people._

“And it would just be better,”

//

_‘Why does your nose look like that,’ the little girl, named Stacy as she proudly pronounced not two seconds ago, asked. She placed her hands on her hips and stuck her head out to gawk at Phil’s nose._

_I bury my face in Phil’s shoulder, laughing my ass off as he struggles to think of an answer. We’d snuck off to Brighton for the day, the first time we’ve done this actually. So far the day had been great and for me it was getting even better._

_‘I, uh, where’s your mother at?’ Phil stutters and jerks his head around as if the mother will just appear before him._

_I laugh even harder with my face sinking into the back of Phil’s shoulder, little snorts all that can pass my lips._

_‘You look like a parrot,’ she answers simply. My hand finds Phil’s thigh and I lean on him to ground myself. This confrontation causing me to call him ‘parrot boy’ for the next three weeks._

_‘I-’ for the first time since I’ve known him, Phil is silent. I can feel his neck heat up against my forehead and snort again, he’s embarrassed, god bless him._

_‘Humpf,’ Stacy says as she loses interest in us. She turns around and skips away to a distraught looking dad holding two smaller children._

_‘Wow,’ Phil says simply._

_‘I love you parrot boy,’ I murmur and he groans loudly._

_‘It’s not that bad. Is it?’_

//

“Kid! Are you even listening?” Sophie snaps.

A horrible feeling hits the bottom of my stomach and suddenly explodes into an onslaught of anger.

“Kid?”

“Lester,” I hiss like the word itself is poison -- and it is. The very syllables haunted to the core.

She tenses then her body unravels like a rag doll, a scary smile crosses her face, she laughs to herself before producing a flip knife from her sock.

“Well, look at that. The little boy who ran finally remembers my name. Phil talks about you loads, won’t shut the fuck up. ‘Protect Dan! Don’t touch Dan!’ Wouldn’t he love to know his precious little Danny is sitting with the big bad Mister Howell?” She stalks forward to me with every word, the knife hovering close to my face.

Anger mixes with panic as she swipes her hand to the left, digging into my face. I cry out in pain, stumbling back until I hit the wall, there she takes hold of my throat, leaning forward to whisper in my ear. “Wouldn’t it be so ironic if little Danny Blankenship happened to be playing for the other team?”

I’m blind, my actions don’t reach my brain in time. One moment Sophie’s face is right in mine and the next she’s on the floor, the knife skidding beneath the bed.

I fall on her stomach, hard making sure to grab the knife and hold it to her neck. My hands are shaking but I can’t tell if it’s adrenaline or fear.

She’s scrambling back and I dodge a few punches, throwing one back across her cheek. She gasps as blood drips my cheek, mingling with her own.

“You were going to kill him!” I scream and punch her again. Oh, how bad I want to use the knife, but some part of my body won’t let me. I just want to lie. Why won’t they let me fucking lie again?

“Help!” Sophie screams.

I don’t get her plan, my knuckles hurt so I stop punching. I don’t cry. I want to cry. I’m a robot. What have they done to me? What have the Lester’s done to me?

Phil, this is all Phil’s fault. He ruined my life. He ruined everything. He’s taken everything good from me.

“Where is Phil!” I yell again and Sophie tenses, expecting another hit but instead getting a knife placed on her jawline. Pressing in lightly.

“Help me! Help!” She screams once again and I slam her head on the tiles, she doesn’t stop screaming.

“You’re lying! Cut it out! Stop lying!” I scream and blood runs from the wound like tears, collecting on one of her many bruises. My soul has stopped, I’m numb.

The door bursts open and slams against the wall. Pictures collapse and I scream once again as my arms are grabbed.

“This is Phil’s fault! He ruined my life! No it’s her! She’s doing this! She’s going to kill Gabe! She’s going to-!” I dig my feet into the tile ground but it’s no use. The doctors are stronger than me. I wriggle around in their grasps.

“Please don’t let her kill him. Please please please,” I plead and one of the man answers gruffly.

“Just be quiet, mate.”

My body is thrown to the hard cement outside and I scream as the dirt mushed with the cut on my cheek.

I couldn’t save my own brother. A monster, I’m a god damned monster


End file.
